15 Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?
16 I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?
17 Or do ye imagine to yourselves that ye can lie unto the Lord in that day, and say—Lord, our works have been righteous works upon the face of the earth—and that he will save you?
18 Or otherwise, can ye imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse, having a remembrance of all your guilt, yea, a perfect remembrance of all your wickedness, yea, a remembrance that ye have set at defiance the commandments of God?
19 I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?
20 I say unto you, can ye think of being saved when you have yielded yourselves to become subjects to the devil?
21 I say unto you, ye will know at that day that ye cannot be saved; for there can no man be saved except his garments are washed white; yea, his garments must be purified until they are cleansed from all stain, through the blood of him of whom it has been spoken by our fathers, who should come to redeem his people from their sins.
Right now, and as a missionary, I don't have any grievous sins or any reason to fear that I've become subject to the devil, but it takes a whole lot more than just not being a servant to the devil to return to my Heavenly Father. I want to live in such a way that if I were to die tomorrow I could confidently go to my Heavenly Father and say "I have lived righteously. I have done my very best to stay close to you." I want so much more than to be able to say "I wasn't a horrible person." I want to be able to say "I was a righteous and valiant person." And I hope all of you want the same thing in your lives.
I want you all to know that your Heavenly Father knows you and your trials and how best to help you. I've had so many experiences this week where I was shown just that in my own life. I'd been struggling a lot with feeling like I wasn't going to be good enough as a missionary. Yes, I naturally love people and want to help them, but I can't teach or pull out useful scriptures or do anything that's actually necessary as a missionary in order to help someone learn more about the gospel and that was really discouraging to me until Wednesday when we got to practice giving lessons in class. Sister Durland and I were giving a practice lesson to our teacher, Sister Irwin, as if she was a nonmember we were teaching. It was kind of rough but went decently well and we were about to start again when we were told that our second time we would be teaching her as herself with all the struggles she's going through right now in her life. As she told us about school problems and things she'd been struggling with D&C 58:2-5 came to mind:
2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may lay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.
As I read that scripture and bore my testimony that God had a plan for her even if she didn't know what it was yet she started crying. It was such an overwhelming experience to me because up until then all the people I'd taught were most likely members just acting, so I never felt like I was fully helping anyone. Teaching Sister Irwin as herself was the first time I felt like an actual missionary. It was the first time I felt like I was really helping someone in the way that I came out here to do and it reminded me of why I wanted to come on a mission in the first place. The joy you receive from helping others is so much more than any other joy I've ever felt. Leaving my family is hard. Learning to teach people who may reject everything I tell them is hard. Working every day all day is hard. But when I think of the people I can help by going out and sharing a message of love and joy it puts into perspective just how worth it this all will be!
My friendship with all of the sisters in my district has grow so much! I enjoy every minute with the girls I room with. Even when those minutes result in us simultaneously sobbing and laughing because missionary training is hard but life is still good and Sister Gallup is hilarious.
By the end of the week I was successfully sharing scriptures in lessons, which was something I couldn't do before! And while role playing a practice baptism invitation with Sister Durland she explained to me why it was hard trying to play the part of a realistic investigator because "The problem is you start testifying and I feel the spirit and I can't say no!" So basically I'm ready to go out and baptize a bunch of people! ;) It's amazing being in an environment where I'm constantly learning and growing and becoming closer to my Heavenly Father.
I hope you all have a wonderful week. I'll talk to you all again when I'm in Cincinnati!
P.S. I wasn't 100% sure on some of you if you wanted my emails not, so if any of you don't want them just let me know. I won't be offended :)
Questions of the week:
*If your house was burning to the ground and you could only grab three objects on your way out, what would you grab?
*What's your favorite scripture?
1. Sister France and me! Sister France reminds me a lot of my sister Julaine, so I adore her
2 & 3 Sister Durland and me at the temple
4. My family sent me with a cute box of goodies. I don't like cheese pringles though so this was the cute picture Sister Gallop had me take to say thank you to my family for the pringles she got to eat!
Note from Kylie's Mom: She was sent two containers of pringles in her Easter Box... one for her, the Sour Cream and Onion, and the Cheese ones, which was clearly for her companion (or in this case, another sister)! ;-)
